你應該是面試的時候用的，按照英文的表達方式既然你要介紹自己了就不用說出那句接下來我將介紹我自己這樣比較好。就這一點給一點小小的建議。

對什么感興趣是be interested in，語法注意一下，錯誤比較明顯。

非常建議你能再次把表述的內容梳理一下，盡量有條理一些，表達方式再修改一下，里面的表達確實有很多是中文式的英語。。。祝你好運！

幫你改寫了, 請笑納


Thank you all for being here  I appreciate this opportunity to introduce myself in person

I'm 23   I come from a typical nuclear family in rural China  My college major is accounting

I'm trying to be the first in my whole extended family to earn a PhD, and to do so in a subject that's always been near and dear to my heart

China's planned economy has been on a meteoric rise all my adult life

Every time China's 7% annual GDP growth is headline news, I'm there reading between the lines, checking economic data, walking the streets to find out the truth for myself

I enjoy walking, and even more so running and playing badminton

Running builds character  Badminton make me a better team player on and off the court

I'm living proof that success depends more on perseverance than one's looks or family background

My country folk sensibility for the Chinese and world economies has already made me a better accountant

Please consider admitting me so I would have an opportunity to share my skill and world view


I thank you all sincerely，

不用介紹家庭成員，刪除吧

不介紹家庭成員，多介紹你在校的表現(xiàn)及獲得的榮譽