英語作文，請求指點，修改
On aging soceity
In recent years,China has been reported as the aging nation by many media.Generally speaking, the aging issue become the common phenomenon in many countries,especially in Europe,like Sweden,Greek and so on.There are several reasons of the aging problem which draw more and more attention of people.
Firstly, there may not be enough labour to do the necessary jobs.It is indeed hard for me to imagine that the society would not run normally for the lack of young people.Secondly,the young will suffer great pressure to take care of their old parents.In the country like China,it used to be forbidden to get one more child.So the only son or daughter have to take all the burden,not only financial but also mental,to look after their parents.Lastly, more elder is not good for the development of society.For much more money and energy should be devoted in welfare or healthcare to keep the old an ease life.It's not only the liability we need to take,but also a heavy rock on the shoulder which would make you stifle.
In my standpoint, it is the high time for us to take measures to relieve the worse situation.On one hand,we must try our best to tend the elder with comfortable life ,on the other hand,the government should take action to enhance the born rate and offer more job suitable for the old who still want to work.
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Your real concern is NOT aging, but universal health insurance (全民健保)
Please read what I wrote here:
http://www.gaoyang168.com/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=6990393&authorid=2488597
1 第一行拼寫：society
2 "，"后一般要加空格
3 the aging nation 建議將nation換為country
4 the aging issue become 主謂一致！ 應(yīng)是becomes
5 Secondly,the young will suffer great pressure to take care of their old parents.
care for和take care of均為短語動詞，均可表示“照料”，“照顧”，但用法有別；care for是較正式用語，一般只用于人；而take care of是普通用語，可用于人或物。care for 通常跟自己不能照料好自己的情況，比如 She spent the best years of her life caring for her sick father.和Doctors and nurses care for the sick.
6 So the only son or daughter have to... 獨生子女可以用the only child 來表達，另外在通常情況下，兩個并列主語由or，either...or，neither...nor，not...but，not only...but (also)等連接時，其謂語通常與第二個主語(即臨近的一個主語) 保持一致 From: https://www.hxen.com/grammar/zhuwei/2011-07-11/148879.html所以本句中建議用 has
7 For much more money and energy should be devoted in welfare or healthcare to make the old an easy life.建議將easy換成comfortable，更符合英語的表達習(xí)慣
8 On one hand,we must try our best to tend the elder with comfortable life ,...
on the one hand.定冠詞缺失，tend the elder 為中式英語表達，建議改為care for elders，
英語大神