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【Original】Relationship between you and me!
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I called JA after work today, this is the first time we speak to each other outside our company. I feel terrible about this and I hate it, but nothing I can do would change the fact. This is a question of the relationship between male and female, i don't know what is your opinion, but i really found it difficult to keep it after the marriage. I was once thought I can be close friend with DY, one of my good male friend at college forever, like the ones in Friends. One day he just told me that we should not message each other as often as before. I was wondering if I did something wrong to him, making him angry with me? Then he said that was because he thought no matter how good he is to me, I will be the wife of some other guy and there is no need to keep close. He knows almost everything about me at college and I also know the girl he fell in love with. We used to study together, go out for shopping and looking for jobs after graduation, I can still remember when I came to Beijing for a interview with his accompany. I always short of money when I come to work in Beijing at the beginning and it was him came to help me out, every time! I don't know if I have lost him forever, or not? I make some new friends at work, as well. Remember one of my old sisters once said that: there is no pure friend relationship between man and woman, they are with you because they want to be your boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't know if this is wrong or not. But, I do want some friends, to get rid of the loneliness, cause my boyfriend was in the troops and we can't see each other for months. JA was so good to me! He waited for me every time when I worked overtime. He made different kinds of delicious meat because I love meat. We went out playing shuttlecock twice a week because he thought I had to do some excise after a long day of sitting in front of the computer. I know he may had some feelings over me, but I told him all of the military boy seriously several times and he said he just did everything as a friend, even though I am a married woman! Things changed this autumn after I have been married for seven months, when he met my right-one. I can feel his madness over me, he did't cook any more and went out for lunch everyday, rode like wind passing me, not speak to me even we walk face to face... I know clearly that I should keep silent. That is his right, he should do whatever he wants to. And I cannot to provoke him, cause he may angry and sad deep in the heart. Maybe it's not because man and woman don't want to be friends, it's only because people all want to the monopolization, we call that constant in love! I still wish all my isomerism friends are happy forever, and myself too! So, let go of the male and female friend relationship stuff, even Monica and Chandler were married, Ross and Rachel at last. Thought, Phoebe and Joey didn't have that marriage thing, it's no doubt they sill like each other! Just think of the great aspect! |
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xia_chong
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3樓2011-01-06 22:58:25
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5樓2011-01-06 23:00:02
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15樓2011-01-06 23:13:44
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★ ★
xuanxuankaoyan(金幣+2):you have to make a choice, it is all depending on you. while the key point is at the right time, do the right thing and without hurting each other. 2011-01-07 09:47:02
xuanxuankaoyan(金幣+2):you have to make a choice, it is all depending on you. while the key point is at the right time, do the right thing and without hurting each other. 2011-01-07 09:47:02
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in fact, I've no idea about the relationship between female and male, too. sometimes, there are some things about the relationship that I don't know how to deal with~ but at last, thanks for a worm's word, I think maybe the best way is to let nature take its course~  |
19樓2011-01-06 23:16:25
20樓2011-01-06 23:17:35
witch_girl
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it's the chongzi's post http://www.gaoyang168.com/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=2719870 good night and have a nice dream~~ |
21樓2011-01-06 23:31:24
xuanxuankaoyan
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★ ★ ★ ★ ★
yanglinast(金幣+6):Thank you for your advice, it's so complicated here, I will try my best! 2011-01-07 12:24:10
witch_girl(金幣+5, ESEPI+1):thanks for your rational analysis and useful suggestions~~thanks again for your sincerity and warm-hearted~~best wishes to you too *^_^* 2011-01-07 13:06:29
yanglinast(金幣+6):Thank you for your advice, it's so complicated here, I will try my best! 2011-01-07 12:24:10
witch_girl(金幣+5, ESEPI+1):thanks for your rational analysis and useful suggestions~~thanks again for your sincerity and warm-hearted~~best wishes to you too *^_^* 2011-01-07 13:06:29
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maybe there is no such a condition under that someone could treat you as well as the way you do others. that is extremely normal. we have different life experience and such get different view to the world or the way to deal with people around ourselves. However when we put our kindness into someone alse, we expect to get a feedback as the same doing, if it is what we want, we could both be happy; if not as expected, unhappy. The key point is acturally it is just a desire, a expectation, a monothinking. we can not force others to treat us in the same way though it is comfortable, because of different views mentioned above. So it is easy to understand. As you mentioned, you and the male friend are going on well with each other before he meet your right one your husband, and to some extent you realize that he takes fancy to you some way. Though you tell him everything seriously several times, you obviously fall into the mood or atmosphere you both being together for playing whatever games or shopping. based on above fact or cases, I think he gets hurts from the relationship beween you and him. what he are doing like riding crossing, walking by without knowing you are not just thought as not warmhearted as before. Cold or warm are counterparts. so you are staying with your husband for fun, what about him, your ever playing games or shopping with, male friend? To be frank, he seems to play himself as your boyfriend, while as a sudden it does not in fact. suggestions: 1. you two better have a good talk with each other. 2. your husband better have this male friend a meal for thanking for his helping with you. 3. take care of yourself. To relieve your loneliness has many ways, listing as palying games in the computer, reading books, shopping in market and so on. Finally I sincerely hope that you can right deal with the realationship between yours, and that afterwards you could be friends as before. |
22樓2011-01-07 10:27:35
★ ★
witch_girl(金幣+2):Good point, be yourself what you be~ thanks for communication~~^_^ 2011-01-07 11:28:23
witch_girl(金幣+2):Good point, be yourself what you be~ thanks for communication~~^_^ 2011-01-07 11:28:23
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yes,xuanxuankaoyan's opinion may be right, maybe he(not your husband) love you, but he cann't live with you together, do you understand his feeling? he hasn't choose except leaving you. "Maybe it's not because man and woman don't want to be friends, it's only because people all want to the monopolization, we call that constant in love!" Some special cases in our life just like soap operas, we all live in reality. Be yourself what you be. |
23樓2011-01-07 11:08:17
★ ★
witch_girl(金幣+2):hope you would get what you want, best wishes~~ 2011-01-07 13:09:06
witch_girl(金幣+2):hope you would get what you want, best wishes~~ 2011-01-07 13:09:06
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Ok! I wrote all the words above because I really miss the way we used to be, I like his smiling face, not the unhappy one now. But, I think I can not do something, it might took him much time to recover and I can not destroy his peace. I only hope he would be happy, one day when he looks back he will find I'd always like to be his friend, it's only the rules that I should do as now. |
24樓2011-01-07 12:31:29
lppv
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26樓2011-01-07 18:01:08
xia_chong
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Self-punish! 27樓2011-01-07 18:38:14
lppv
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28樓2011-01-07 19:41:15
★ ★
lppv(金幣+2):you should not make yourself alone.friends, you still need to make.bless. 2011-01-07 22:47:16
lppv(金幣+2):you should not make yourself alone.friends, you still need to make.bless. 2011-01-07 22:47:16
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I do agree with you! I don not dare to get close to any other male friend, I can do almost everything myself now. I buy three kilo gram of rice, so I can take it back home without asking anyone for help. I get up early in the morning preparing to work, because I can't ask some of my male colleague to take me for a while. I can even repair the closestool when Xiaoyu forget to help me do it... I am more mature and more dependent then before, like someone said there are many ways to get rid of the loneness, like stay on emuch, reading books, listen to music... Sometimes before I just did things because I was happy to and I wanted to, now I understand if someone was not happy because of me or what I had done, I would feel terrible at last. I promise to myself I would do things for the sake of the happiness of my close friends, thought I have few at present, and also for the sake of the peace of my family. |
29樓2011-01-07 21:19:46
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I should be thankful for all your good advice, I took them after reading your post here step by step, but I don't have the courage to ask him out or something. I want to give him some time to relax, to calm down, however I was so worried about he would hate me instead of forgiving me and being friends with me again. I think I shoul wait for a while. Jiaying asked me, after knowing everything, if I still see him as a good friend. I said yes with no hesitation. I do think him my good friend and I do want him back to my good one. 'Then why don't you do something for him, like treating him as good as before, no matter what he says and acts. And, you should help him if he doesn't do very well at work too. I think he will understand you one day, I think that's a true good friend should and always do.' I suddenly realized what I was doing before was improper and what I should do in the future. I will talk to him with my good smile and patience. I found, surprisingly, he tried hard as me! We had dinner together last night, my husband and me invited him to my house to make dumplings for him, and I know it's his birthday untill that time. I am not a good friend, I don't know It's his birthday before the day and I seem not care enough about that before. I am so bad! How lucky I was to decide to invite him yesterday! I don't know if I deal with this well, but I hope so! I am so thankful that you gave me these advice.  [ Last edited by yanglinast on 2011-2-18 at 10:17 ] |
30樓2011-02-18 09:51:18
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Though many say it's impossible to bulid true friendship between male and female, I still want a good male friend who can understand me.Men think differently from women. So having such a friend can help you open your horizon~In this way,I really envy the friendship among people in |
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2011-01-06 22:51
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小木蟲(沙發(fā)+1，金幣+0.5):恭喜搶個(gè)沙發(fā)，再給個(gè)紅包
2011-01-06 23:03
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2011-01-06 23:06
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