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fccsmile(金幣+20): 謝謝你的指導(dǎo),受益很深,很感謝呢 2011-03-15 22:43:35
There are really some people who learn by themselves finally become successful, (There are really some people who learn by themselves,and become successful finally, )however, it is my opinion that learning with a teacher is always better than learning alone, a teacher will help us learn better and more efficiently(however, it is no doubt that learning with a teacher is absolutely better than learning aloneit in my opinion ), a teacher will(感覺用將來時(shí)不是很好) help us (to)learn better (easier)and more efficiently.
只改第一段,以我的觀點(diǎn),只是我的觀點(diǎn)哈,全文還有很多地方有語義上的錯(cuò)誤。其實(shí)樓主的第一段中的最后兩個(gè)就是原因,即better and effciently.但是樓主在下文中只有第二段是在闡述effcient這個(gè)觀點(diǎn) ,第三段經(jīng)過改一改可以照應(yīng)那兩個(gè)原因。第四段,我認(rèn)為完全該重寫,不但表述不清, 而且根本不符合題意,誰都可以鼓勵(lì),這不是老師特有的。
通篇閱讀,感覺樓主是按四部來的,第一段給出自己的觀點(diǎn)和原因,接下來的三段分別來證明那些原因,然后在各段又進(jìn)行相應(yīng)的證明。雖然樓主的表述存在一定的問題,但是樓主好好改后可以成為一篇清晰的作文,樓主得注意,你所列的每一條原因都要能證明你的觀點(diǎn),而且這些原因要有充分的可信性,不要想第四段一樣。還有就是我發(fā)現(xiàn)樓主的詞匯量不是很夠,有很多詞是該用另外的詞來寫的,雖然在翻譯成中文都是一個(gè)意思,但還是有區(qū)別的,建議樓主用好韋伯詞典。
以上僅是個(gè)人觀點(diǎn),僅供參考!。 |
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