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[交流]
第一篇托福作文，肯定斧正指點
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Patience is usually not a good strategy. People should take action now rather than later. Some people hold that patience is usually not a good strategy. However, other people disagree with the statement. In their opinions, it is better to adopt action from now on. As for me, I think that whether to take action now or later depends different situations. In some cases, taking action quickly has great advantages. If you want to study harder to improve your school performance and become one of the best student in your class, then you should make a detailed schedule and start your action as soon as possible. Many people are so lazy that they would choose to make a plan and do it several days later and eventually they will forget their plan and be a poor student for ever. However, in some other situations, it is better to be patient. If you and your friend make a appointment that you will meet at 5’ clock before the local movie theater to watch a latest movie together and he/she didn’t show up on time and It is better for you to wait patiently and telephone him/her to inquire about his/her reasons for being late. If you are not patient to wait for him/her and blame him on it, he/she will think you are not a reliable friend and it will ruin your friendship. Also, as for making big decision, we should be careful and spend some time to weigh the advantages and disadvantages and even ask for advice from people who have made the similar decision. In this case, a quick decision is often wrong and you must be patient. For example, when you want to change a job, you have to confer with your wife/husband because your decision will probably have a significant effect on the family income and you can avoid unnecessary troubles as they maybe will provide some useful information. In conclusion, it is inappropriate to say that which option is better. In some cases, you have to take actions from now on. In some other situation, you’d better be patient and adopt action carefully. |
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3樓2012-06-11 09:42:00
benovence
至尊木蟲 (著名寫手)
- 飛躍EPI: 5
- 應(yīng)助: 8 (幼兒園)
- 貴賓: 0.293
- 金幣: 11025.1
- 帖子: 1441
- 在線: 748.6小時
- 蟲號: 1317488
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
yyman660: 金幣+3, 謝謝建議！ 2012-06-10 11:00:29
yyman660: 金幣+3, 謝謝建議！ 2012-06-10 11:02:38
yyman660: 金幣-3, 網(wǎng)絡(luò)問題，多給了3個金幣，扣回 2012-06-10 11:03:05
jiaoyg: 金幣+10, ★★★很有幫助, 非常感謝指點！ 2012-06-10 22:46:06
yyman660: 金幣+3, 謝謝建議！ 2012-06-10 11:00:29
yyman660: 金幣+3, 謝謝建議！ 2012-06-10 11:02:38
yyman660: 金幣-3, 網(wǎng)絡(luò)問題，多給了3個金幣，扣回 2012-06-10 11:03:05
jiaoyg: 金幣+10, ★★★很有幫助, 非常感謝指點！ 2012-06-10 22:46:06
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注意些固定搭配，單復(fù)數(shù)。開通模板很明顯，建議不要用模板。 動名詞做主語，可試著換成強調(diào)句，或it做形式主語。連接詞多換換，因為、但是、接著什么多替換成不同的。賓語從句引導(dǎo)詞得注意下。 介詞引導(dǎo)的短語，可用倒裝，盡量不要用同一類介詞短語，比如in some cases |
2樓2012-06-10 10:59:23
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
jiaoyg: 金幣+5, 非常感謝指點，拍磚拍的好 2012-06-12 20:17:54
yyman660: 金幣+3, 謝謝建議!歡迎常來 2012-06-14 23:42:38
jiaoyg: 金幣+3 2012-06-15 09:58:53
jiaoyg: 金幣+5, 非常感謝指點，拍磚拍的好 2012-06-12 20:17:54
yyman660: 金幣+3, 謝謝建議!歡迎常來 2012-06-14 23:42:38
jiaoyg: 金幣+3 2012-06-15 09:58:53
| 首先說明一點你的句法過于中國化，建議適當(dāng)搭配，不要追求一些中國式的長，可以用分句代替部分從句。其次，你的舉例沒有一個有說服力，記住一點自己身邊的例子是沒有例子的例子，除非你相關(guān)方面的專家或者什么的，最好是被公認(rèn)的例子，并且還要對例子進(jìn)行分析。最后雖然中間的觀點很好，但是不要公式化的寫，還是得有自己的創(chuàng)新點。 |
5樓2012-06-11 22:33:59
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