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welldone7158實(shí)習(xí)版主
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[求助]
求教，這篇雅思作文大家估計(jì)多少分？
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題目：With the increasing use of mobile phone and computer, the number of people who write letter has decreased. As a result, letter-writing will disappear soon. Do u agree or disagree? How do you think letter-writing is important？ 文章 Although mobile phone and computer have been introduced to households for decades, people still have mixed views on that. As far as I concerned, letter as a traditional communication method will be maintained rather than replaced by telecommunicating. This is partly because that traditional hand writing-Calligraphy plays a vital role in Chinese culture. Most parents encouraged their children to participate in a Calligraphy training course when I was a student, even a science teacher highlight the importance of good hand writing. In addition, many Chinese people tend to regard good hand writing as a high social status. In extreme cases, a student with inferior hand-writing would be seriously criticized by parents. It is obvious that Calligraphy training usually combined with letter writing training. Further, although emails or messages boost the working efficiency, they do not have the value in terms of memories. For instance, I preserved all my letters well in my room regardless of when I received and letters dramatically promote friendship. What is more that language skills in letter-writing also is used in emails especially in official emails. By that I mean language skills of letter-writing cannot disappear since it is useful and helpful in modern communications in essence. In spite of that, it is an inescapable fact that the rate of letters we write and the amount of letters are significantly declined due to the high tempo of modern lifestyle. And the amount of letters unfortunately would be constantly decreasing according to current trend. Overall, although we greatly benefit from computer and mobile phone, I still take the view that letters would not truly disappear in the future as letters consist of important part in culture and community |
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fengchi
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welldone7158: 金幣+5, OK，跟你和樓下金幣分一下 2012-11-26 08:20:52
benovence: 金幣+1, 謝謝參與 2012-11-26 09:07:42
welldone7158: 金幣+5, OK，跟你和樓下金幣分一下 2012-11-26 08:20:52
benovence: 金幣+1, 謝謝參與 2012-11-26 09:07:42
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個(gè)人感覺(jué) 6-7分吧 第二三段的論證不是那么有說(shuō)服力 比如 第二段說(shuō)中國(guó)怎么怎么樣 那其他國(guó)家呢？第三段也有一個(gè)漏洞：你可以保存信件 當(dāng)然也可以保存email�。� 當(dāng)然 雅思的作文也不是那么苛刻 自己言之有物 自圓其說(shuō)就行 另外文章整體的語(yǔ)言不夠出彩 模板味道稍重 前后銜接似乎也可以做得更好 個(gè)人意見(jiàn) 樓主勿怪 |
2樓2012-11-25 22:02:53
crazyvolcano
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welldone7158: 金幣+5, 嗯嗯 2012-11-26 08:21:05
benovence: 金幣+1, 謝謝參與 2012-11-26 09:07:52
welldone7158: 金幣+5, 嗯嗯 2012-11-26 08:21:05
benovence: 金幣+1, 謝謝參與 2012-11-26 09:07:52
| 感覺(jué)在5左右，首先開(kāi)頭段模板的味道比較重。第二段犯了個(gè)致命弱點(diǎn)，就是只論證了Chinese hand-writing，而文章的主題里面說(shuō)的是泛指的hand-writing。這里的論證就顯得太單薄了，除了Chinese hand-writing之外，難道其他的hand-writing就沒(méi)有意義了嗎？第三段的論證舉了自己的實(shí)例，這是托福式的寫(xiě)法，不符合雅思寫(xiě)作的規(guī)范。還有就是句式比較單調(diào)，單詞用得過(guò)于簡(jiǎn)單，基本沒(méi)有加分詞匯。還有就是邏輯上不是很緊密。 |
3樓2012-11-26 00:00:25
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