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moxiang銅蟲(chóng) (初入文壇)
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[交流]
陸續(xù)貼出自己的考博作文練習(xí)，希望大家能討論，幫助！ 十個(gè)金幣
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05年10月中科院A卷作文： what does work mean to you? it is a just a means to make ends meet, to cover life enpenses? 我的作文： 用時(shí)近一個(gè)小時(shí)，因?yàn)槭菑?fù)習(xí)考博以來(lái)的第一篇作文 所以很艱難！ 完事開(kāi)頭難！ what does work mean to you？ Two main kings of answers have been offered. One is couched in terms of realism. they argue that it is just a means to make ends meet, to cover life enpenses. The other, in my view correct, type fo answer is that it is a way to realize one's dream and the source of happiness. To me, a college teacher, I teach students knoeledge and gain happiness from them. 第一段，要去接孩子了，后續(xù)會(huì)上第二段，第三段。 PS 一大把年紀(jì)了還要考博，悲催�。。�！ |
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金蟲(chóng) (著名寫(xiě)手)
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9樓2013-10-13 22:47:51
qfzcom
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2樓2012-12-17 17:40:19
moxiang
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謝謝樓上的, 接著貼 第二段： when I was a colledge student, my teacher once told me that there were three types of teachers: the first type of teachers who looked teaching just a way to earn money were always ready to give up teaching to earn more; the second type looked teaching not only as a good salary, but as an enterprise to do; the third of teachers, however, who looked teaching as well as arts devoted their whole life to teaching. From then on, I never forgot to be the third type teacher. And I gained not only a good salary, but and more important, happiness and a meaningful life. I was so exciting when my students understood a difficult question or even more solve it by themselves, and I was so happy and wormful when they sent me a card on the Teacher's Day! I tought them knowledge and they gave me happiness and moreover, the meaning of life. |
3樓2012-12-18 00:54:59
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★ ★ ★
小木蟲(chóng): 金幣+0.5, 給個(gè)紅包，謝謝回帖
moxiang: 金幣+2 2012-12-18 19:54:35
小木蟲(chóng): 金幣+0.5, 給個(gè)紅包，謝謝回帖
moxiang: 金幣+2 2012-12-18 19:54:35
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今天下午比較閑，再加上我這個(gè)人比較好為人師，點(diǎn)評(píng)一下樓主的作文： 第一段我讀的不是很懂，我覺(jué)得樓主應(yīng)該用更加流暢的常用的句式，里面有單詞應(yīng)為knowledge,應(yīng)該為打字手誤 第二段： when I was a colledge（單詞錯(cuò)誤，college,不過(guò)一般用university,前者指學(xué)院，后者指綜合性大學(xué)） student, my teacher once （once我覺(jué)得可以去掉，中式英語(yǔ)的痕跡太明顯，沒(méi)必要強(qiáng)調(diào)曾經(jīng)）told me that there were three types of teachers: the first type of teachers who looked（這里為什么要用過(guò)去式呢，雖然是老師以前說(shuō)的話(huà)，但是我覺(jué)得應(yīng)該用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)） teaching just （此處少一個(gè)as）a way to earn money were always ready to give up teaching to earn more; the second type looked (同上)teaching not only as （a way to get） a good salary, but as an enterprise to do(我覺(jué)得用run,后加it更貼切一些，do指做某事，run指經(jīng)營(yíng)，運(yùn)營(yíng)); the third （type） of teachers（主語(yǔ)） , however,who looked (同上)teaching as well as arts （定語(yǔ)從句修飾teachers）devoted（謂語(yǔ)，我覺(jué)得應(yīng)該用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)） their whole life(應(yīng)該用復(fù)數(shù)lives) to teaching. From then on, I never forgot to be the third type (應(yīng)該加一個(gè)of)teacher. And (句首用and??)I gained not only a good salary, but and (but and???)more important(things), happiness and a meaningful life. I was so exciting(應(yīng)該為excited,exciting的主語(yǔ)應(yīng)該為物或者事) when my students understood a difficult question or even more solve（前面understood是過(guò)去式，此處也應(yīng)該為過(guò)去式，兩個(gè)地方應(yīng)該統(tǒng)一） it by themselves, （這個(gè)句子到這里可以點(diǎn)句號(hào)了，要么太長(zhǎng)了）and I was so happy and wormful（表示看不懂，warmful?溫暖的？還是小木蟲(chóng)版溫暖的？：D） when they sent me a card on the Teacher's Day! I tought（應(yīng)該為taught,tought為過(guò)去分詞） them knowledge and they gave me happiness and moreover, the meaning of life. 不好意思，把樓主的作文批的體無(wú)完膚，歡迎大家拍磚~ |
4樓2012-12-18 15:31:26
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